You desperately want to master the ability to communicate with civility, so you’ve been strategizing more positive tactics in the workplace and your personal life. Perhaps reading our latest blog posts on this topic and practicing with TalkMeUp has inspired you to push even harder in this direction, especially when disagreements are seemingly unavoidable. Congratulations! These are wonderful steps in the right direction. But as you continue to embrace civility, where are you experiencing difficulties?
This isn’t a rhetorical question. We want to hear from you. As we’ve continued along on this topic of civility, I’ve often wondered if the people reading our blog posts find being civil more or less difficult in certain types of situations.
For instance …
Do you find it easier or more difficult to be civil when talking to higher-ups at work versus a specific direct report?
Is it easier or more challenging to maintain civility when communicating across the organization with your peers?
From a personal standpoint, what if it’s a family member (your wife) versus an old college buddy or acquaintance?
Where is the line drawn? Where are you likely to be more civil?
What situations prompt less civility from others—even when you’re genuinely trying to say and do all the right things?
The Biggest Challenge Will Always Be When There’s Disagreement
Communicating with civility is almost always easier when everyone is in total agreement. Everyone is on the same page; we’re all singing from the same hymnal—life is golden. But once there is disagreement of any kind, especially strong disagreements… that’s when our ability to be civil is tested. As Mike Tyson once said, “Everyone is civil until I punch them in the mouth.”
I’m not suggesting that you punch anyone, but this is a wonderful analogy to how challenging communicating with civility can be. Even the smallest disagreements or spats can feel like a smack to the kisser. We often see these situations unfold in the workplace when peers are contending for limited resources. You may think your project deserves more funding, but even though you go into a conversation with a civil mindset, how do you handle things when a peer sees things differently and starts challenging you?
How we choose to respond in those moments is key! So please, let us know where your sticking points are.
As they say, “The phone lines are now open!” We know quite a few people read our blog posts, and we want the topics we discuss to be as relevant to you as possible. We can only ensure that happens if we hear from you.
The Business World Demands More Effective Communication
I believe there is a real opportunity here to better ourselves and each other. Whether you are an organizational leader or an employee working your way up the corporate ladder, improving your communication skills in settings where you may disagree with the person on the other side of the table is important. It takes a lot of practice to communicate with civility, but you will get there with hard work, practice, and the right frame of mind.
Feel free to comment with any thoughts about where we are now and where we can go from here.
And if you’d like more practice, TalkMeUp can help. This innovative, one-of-a-kind software profoundly addresses communication shortcomings by leveraging AI for instant measurement, analysis, reporting, tracking, scaling, and more. TalkMeUp gives you and your teams the feedback everyone needs to communicate better—all in real-time. To me, that’s the best feature. You can practice with TalkMeUp repeatedly and track your progress on matters related to empathy and overall civility. As you see changes in your communication, others will see you as a leader who speaks passionately and confidently.
Studies show that people who use TalkMeUp consistently improve in self-confidence and compassion. As a result, it forces us to dig deeper to become more tuned in to how others think, what’s driving their points of view and action, and their perspectives. This requires taking the time to inquire, listen carefully, and process that information before offering a response.
If you put all these steps into practice, you may find more mutual ground than you initially thought. You may even find a flaw or weakness in your argument, thus helping you learn something new and improve your communication skills simultaneously.
Interested in seeing how TalkMeUp can help you improve your communication skills? Try TalkMeUp for free with no obligation. Also, please join us for our next webinar, where I will discuss how to handle unavoidable disagreements.
About the Author
Ron Placone, Ph.D., is an Associate Teaching Professor Emeritus of Business Management Communication and the Former Faculty Lead and Interim Executive Director for the Accelerate Leadership Center at the Tepper School of Business. Ron teaches a range of communication courses and leadership programs for Tepper students. Ron’s research interests include civility in discourse and fostering individual and team creativity. Previously at Carnegie Mellon, Ron was the Assistant Vice President for Learning & Development. Before joining Carnegie Mellon in 1999, Ron was Vice President and Director of Organizational Development and Communications for Mellon Network Services. Ron has been a consultant, leadership, and communication coach for numerous executives and corporate and not-for-profit organizations. He has consulted in health care, financial services, education, technology, and energy sectors. Ron has a Ph.D. in Rhetoric-English from Carnegie Mellon University.
