The topic of communicating with civility is nothing new. This certainly isn’t the first article or series of articles written about it this year; if we’re being honest, it’s not even the first article this week or even today when you factor in current events and our political landscape’s up and down nature. We’ve discussed civility and what it should look like at great length for centuries and sought to understand it across numerous discipline sand cultures. And yet, mastering our duty to be civil always eludes us.
I genuinely believe we all want to go back to when civil conversations were an everyday thing — even the most disagreeable people can get behind that sentiment. The problem is that we lost the ability to communicate civilly somewhere along the line. As a result, a few close colleagues recently pointed out to me that our country is currently the furthest thing from “civil.”
That’s a sobering statement to hear. It’s true, though. Furthermore, it’s even scarier to think how far we’ve fallen.
That brings me to the point of this blog article: What do we mean by civility, and what can the voices from our past teach us?
What Civility Means — a More Recent Point of View
When attempting to define civility, it’s important to compare the common definitions of today with historical perspectives.
Cheshire Calhoun is a professor of Philosophy at Arizona State University and a research professor at the Center for the Philosophy of Freedom at the University of Arizona. She routinely speaks on various topics, but in terms of civility, she says, “Civility always involves a display of respect, tolerance, and considerateness. … It’s a communicative form of moral conduct.”
In Democracy and Disagreement, authors Amy Gutmann and Dennis Thompson argue that mutual respect is the core value that drives accommodation, reciprocity, and deliberation in a democracy.
Steven Carter has similar views on civility in his book, but I particularly like this passage: “Civility not only requires that we demonstrate respect for each other, but we also listen to others with knowledge of the possibility that they are right and we are wrong.”
Last but not least, Mark Kingwell said in his book, A Civil Tongue, that civility is the best route to vigorous public debate. It gives citizens a way of facing the prospect of political compromise with greater confidence and resolve. Unsurprisingly, he adds that a lack of civility negatively impacts the public’s attitude toward others and our institutions.
What Civility Means — a Historical Perspective
To me, there are three historical perspectives of civility that should be mentioned:
1. How civility relates to the classical conception of the citizen/orator.
2. In16th and 17th century England, society viewed civility as a key trait of a “gentleman.”
3. Lastly, and this builds on the previous two definitions, civility is required to be an engaged member of a democratic society.
An accomplished poet, philosopher, rhetorician, and humorist, Marcus Tullius Cicero’s definition of civility boils down to how we relate to each other. He said, “Nothing is more commendable; nothing is more becoming in a preeminent great man than courtesy and forbearance.” He challenges all of us to develop “mental poise,” adding that we should “avoid exhibitions of passion that are uncontrolled by reason.” If we allow others to irritate us, we will undoubtedly develop a temper that makes us prejudicial toward ourselves and offensive toward others.
James Cleland was a Victorian author who wrote The Institution of a Young Nobleman in 1607, one of the most famous manuals for gentlemen. He said there were prescriptive rules for how to engage in conversation and when there’s disagreement. To be civil, one could disagree or even correct something wrong that another person said — that said, they should always do so with tact and care not to damage the other person’s credibility through name-calling and disrespectful discourse.
The Furthest Thing From Civil — How Far We Have Fallen
After reading these definitions and wise thoughts, it’s easy to see just how far we’ve fallen in our ability to communicate civilly. We all want better outcomes, but a lack of civility quickly shuts down any productive dialogue we could be having. To function effectively in a noble society, you had a duty to communicate with civility. If you didn’t, you’d infringe on someone else’s civil liberties; no one wanted that. Why do we fail to embrace our duty to be civil in a liberal society? Where’s the harm in practicing civility?
I believe there’s a real opportunity here for us to better ourselves. Perhaps opening ourselves up to those lessons from the past and the idea that we can certainly do better in today’s world can help us recapture that civil spirit.
In our next blog I’ll share my thoughts on how to practice, and apply, more civility in our discourse with colleagues, friends, family, and community – even if they hold views different from ours.
Register for our webinar on August 8, 2024 at 12:00 PM Eastern where I will discuss and answer your questions on how we can “Make Civility Great Again.” Register here.
About the Author
Ron Placone, Ph.D., is an Associate Teaching Professor Emeritus of Business Management Communication and the Former Faculty Lead and Interim Executive Director for the Accelerate Leadership Center at the Tepper School of Business. Ron teaches a range of communication courses and leadership programs for Tepper students. Ron’s research interests include civility in discourse and fostering individual and team creativity. Previously at Carnegie Mellon, Ron was the Assistant Vice President for Learning & Development. Before joining Carnegie Mellon in1999, Ron was Vice President and Director of Organizational Development and Communications for Mellon Network Services. Ron has been a consultant, leadership, and communication coach for numerous executives and corporate and not-for-profit organizations. He has consulted in health care, financial services, education, technology, and energy sectors. Ron has a Ph.D. in Rhetoric-English from Carnegie Mellon University.
