We’ve focused a significant portion of our blog content lately on communicating with civility. The reason is simple: civility feels like a lost art nowadays. This is especially true in situations where we disagree with one another. So, yes, it’d be nice if we could all get back to the days of talking things out, hearing what each other has to say, sharing information constructively, and understanding where we’re each coming from without becoming angry, defensive, hostile, cruel, and downright polarizing.
We’re a work in progress as a society in that regard, but I do believe we can get back to being civil. I know this because of the insightful reader feedback on the aforementioned series of blogs and webinars. We all want to do better. In fact, one such reaction stimulated a few final thoughts about communicating with civility and how TalkMeUp helps us overcome those communication shortcomings faster.
Did you miss our series on civility? Don’t worry; you can catch up by clicking here.
Achieving Civility: Self-confidence and Compassion Are Often Overlooked
After completing the fourth installment in this blog series, I emailed the entire lot to a friend to see what he thought. He’s retired from the United States Air Force and is the living embodiment of what it means to be civil—so I figured he’d have something to say.
I found this piece of his overall response to be quite intriguing:
“… I also thought the historical perspectives on ‘behaving like a gentleman' were useful. They're not just quaint anachronisms but actually a way of reminding ourselves to ‘grow up.’ The Me Generation seems to be, for many people these days, a destination rather than a stop on the road to maturity. It's easier now (your argument re: technology) to discard the notion of ‘personal sacrifice’ in considering others' views because I can always find friends on the web or social media. In essence, civility requires two very important mature personal attributes that, sadly, often take years to acquire: self-confidence and compassion. In many ways, practicing the 4 Protocols helps develop not only the near-term goal of more civil interactions but also builds muscle memory for strengthening those key aspects of maturity. Bravo on your blogs.”
Essentially, he’s saying that we don’t engage as much in meaningful discourse with others these days because we do it less frequently. We aren’t practicing enough, and when you don’t practice enough … that’s right … you lose your confidence and compassion. Without self-confidence and compassion, you can’t possibly communicate civilly.
For many people, learning these attributes can take a lifetime to achieve and implement into daily conversations. So, the big question becomes: What can we do to improve our self-confidence in difficult discussions sooner rather than later?
- Practice for it.
- Get real-time feedback.
This is where TalkMeUp can help. TalkMeUp is an innovative, one-of-a-kind software that profoundly addresses communication shortcomings by leveraging AI for instant measurement, analysis, reporting, tracking, scaling, and more. TalkMeUp gives you and your teams the feedback everyone needs to communicate better—all in real-time. To me, that’s the best feature. You can practice with TalkMeUp repeatedly and track your progress on matters related to empathy and overall civility. As you see changes in your communication, others will see you as a leader who speaks passionately and confidently.
Studies show that people who use TalkMeUp consistently improve in self-confidence and compassion. As a result, it forces us to dig deeper to become more tuned in to how others are thinking, what’s driving their points of view and action, and their perspectives. This requires taking the time to inquire, listen carefully, and process that information before offering a response.
If you put all these steps into practice, you may find more mutual ground than you initially thought. You may even find a flaw or weakness in your argument, thus helping you learn something new and improve your communication skills simultaneously.
The Business World Demands More Effective Communication
I believe there is a real opportunity here to better ourselves and each other. Whether you are an organizational leader or an employee working your way up the corporate ladder, improving your communication skills in settings where you may disagree with the person on the other side of the table is important. It takes a lot of practice to communicate with civility, but you will get there with hard work, practice, and the right frame of mind. I invite you to read our series of blog posts on this important topic and feel free to comment with any thoughts about where we are now and where we can go from here.
Interested in improving your communication skills? Join our webinar, "The Four Protocols of Civility," on September 5th at 12PM EST.
About the Author
Ron Placone, Ph.D., is an Associate Teaching Professor Emeritus of Business Management Communication and the Former Faculty Lead and Interim Executive Director for the Accelerate Leadership Center at the Tepper School of Business. Ron teaches a range of communication courses and leadership programs for Tepper students. Ron’s research interests include civility in discourse and fostering individual and team creativity. Previously at Carnegie Mellon, Ron was the Assistant Vice President for Learning & Development. Before joining Carnegie Mellon in 1999, Ron was Vice President and Director of Organizational Development and Communications for Mellon Network Services. Ron has been a consultant, leadership, and communication coach for numerous executives and corporate and not-for-profit organizations. He has consulted in health care, financial services, education, technology, and energy sectors. Ron has a Ph.D. in Rhetoric-English from Carnegie Mellon University.
